apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
