i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
