I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
