Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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