You're so nebulous sometimes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
