the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
