if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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