Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
