i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
