My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
