At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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