I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
