Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
