So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
