Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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