Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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