Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
