I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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