i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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