the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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