I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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