i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
