eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
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Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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