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Fuck
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
