i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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