I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
