I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
