During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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