so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize