just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
