please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
