I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
