i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
