so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
