My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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