Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
