so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
