Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
