She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
