if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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