My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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