Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
