Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
