How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
