I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
