one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
