I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
