Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
