there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
