Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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