you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize