Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
