so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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