i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
