Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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