so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
