so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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