and she was petting her beer can
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
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he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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