hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
