you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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