That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
