my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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