We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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