how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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