sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
