Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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