how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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