you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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