I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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