I'm so fucking centered right now
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
