I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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