my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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