When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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