the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize